Can a Virgin Whore be a Feminist?

I have a theory about this. But, to prevent scoffs, exasperation, reassurance, or praise before I get the chance to earn such things, I am going keep it a mystery for a little while longer.

What I will tell you off the bat is that I do not suppose to be any sort of scholar of feminism (despite giving the subject’s Wikipedia page a onceover, I still can’t mange to keep all of those waves straight), and I almost certainly do not wear a feminist badge (I prefer short dresses, or scrubs). Rather, I have decided feminism is relevant here because some feminists have decided my virginity auction is relevant to them. And, as you probably guessed, they are none too pleased about it. So, what you will find in this post is my purely personal and unstudied perspective on (or reaction to) this issue.

First, feminist or not, I must say I think the whole movement is a fantastic idea. It has afforded me nothing less than a boatload of freedom and opportunity, and I will be forever grateful for this (thank you, feminism). But, some of feminism’s methods have always managed to needle me, and since we have recently been through a nasty kerfuffle, I’m going to let spill all of its rules (or advices) that I cannot stand:

  1. Well, for starters, lose your virginity (preferably at a reasonable age and in a flippant manner): Oops!
  2. Also, don’t sell sex: Oops again!
  3. Be less feminine: Too often I am dismissed because I am a tall thin blonde, and it is never men who are bothered by this look. Also, inequality aside, being able to attract the opposite sex is not a totally useless ability.
  4. Be more like men: The female sex does do some things very well – compassion, humility, communication, community, multitasking. Shouldn’t we at least keep these parts?
  5. Date less masculine men: I like manly men, and I have no intention of my soon-to-be-active sex life being dull.
  6. Better yet, don’t waste time on men at all: Until now, I have actually managed this one fairly well, but I still believe it is unfair. I recently read a ridiculous article that labeled Taylor Swift as a “feminist nightmare” simply because she sings so often about boys. First off, men are not so bad. Secondly, feminism, do you really think it wise to isolate good female examples like Taylor Swift? And good luck curing young women of an interest in boys, you will need an ungodly amount of it.
  7. Study computer science: Blah! I would rather stay home to cook, clean and sew for my children, my husband, his other wife, her children, and her pet skunk.
  8. Stop labeling women as sluts and whores: Pot, meet kettle. I do agree with the feminists on this one, but let’s also stop labeling women as frigid prudes, goody two-shoes and the like.
  9. Take gender roles as a personal insult: I am never going to get worked up over the piddly things. If you forget to invite me to your moving party or football game, don’t worry yourself – I’ll have a fine time at the bar with the other ladies you forgot. And I am also more than happy to have my doors opened and books carried.
  10. Be noisy about your beliefs: I am not so sure about noisy people. They remind me very much of children.

Now, there is actually a point to this list (besides venting); these things all have something in common that is the impetus for my little dispute with feminism. Do you know what it is?  Each is something feminism says I should do that does not suit me one bit (except for the name calling). This sounds self-absorbed and probably is, but it also raises my one and only major criticism of modern feminism: at times, it can be as narrow-minded, critical, and limiting as the worst sexist.

Because the truth is I have always seen myself as a feminist, I do not believe a virginity auction changes this, and I do not like being told otherwise by people who do not know. It is true I am not the most obvious or ideal variety, but since when must you wear such things on your sleeve or be the perfect version of anything? If you read my next (noticeably less superficial) list you will see that on many important points feminism and I are in full agreement (and really should get on much better):

  1. Belief that women can do anything: I certainly believe I can – medicine, science, writing, activism, athletics and, yes, sex work (of some variety). And if I can’t do all these things, don’t bother telling me because I won’t believe you.
  2. Support for other women (professionally and socially): Take my word for it that I do this very well. Ironically, I know many “feminists” who have yet to piece this one together – my virginity auction, case in point. And no, pity and preaching do not count.
  3. Allowance for sexual freedom: So we’re clear, I am not a virgin because anyone told me to be (more often than not the opposite was expected of me), and I only wish for others to do as they please. As for selling virginity, it is quite an innovative maneuver if I do say so myself.
  4. Advocation of spinsterhood: I would highly recommend the single life to anyone! Why? Well, the towels on the floor are always your own, your friendships (which, incidentally, tend to last longer than romantic relationships) flourish, and you can always do exactly what it is you want to do.
  5. Modern family design: Families come in all shapes and sizes, and one’s talent for parenting is not at all related to marital status. I have yet to decide whether or not I want children, but my choice will not be influenced by any shortage of reliable and tolerable men.

In all, I believe I am a feminist because I was born free with every opportunity, and I live free without wasting opportunity (such as this auction). Many will object to this assessment in no uncertain terms, and that is their prerogative. But I have decided I will not be discarding my feminist label, and I also will not be calling off this auction. I am not so easily controlled. On this occasion, sneery hard-line feminists are only welcome to shove off. And, as far as I’m concerned, that settles that!

3 thoughts on “Can a Virgin Whore be a Feminist?

  1. Hello! I just learned about you, and am commenting here because this post was what got my attention.

    My favorite definition of feminism is “the radical ideal that women are people.”

    Try to define feminism beyond that, and you start to get into the many, many conflicting theories, movements, and ideologies. As a writer I knew liked to say, “Feminism is not the Borg.”

    A major principle of feminism (as I follow it) is that a person’s life is theirs to live, and their identity is theirs to shape. And if someone’s stepping outside of gender norms should not be condemned, neither should their fitting in to gender norms.

    Otherwise, people are just insisting that you fit into a different set of norms that they have assigned to you because of your gender.

  2. The problem with feminism is that its so idealistic and self-referential that it becomes absurd and hypocritical. For example you mention freedom, General Mao, Ron Paul, feminists, and Nazi’s all talked about freedom, while at the same time contradicting each other of its meaning.

    liberty:
    X is free/not free from Y to do/not do or be/not be Z

    The problem is that freedom isn’t exclusive and independant, in order to satisfy the american standards of living, we have to infringe on the freedoms of others. But we live in such an anomalous time in history, and that our life and actions are predicated on having cheap energy. Even a group of radical feminists on donners pass, would quickly eschew the notion of equality in favor of survival.

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