Clarification

In its initial stages,  this project was about the money. I hoped to make it quickly and quietly and go about my life.

It is no longer about the money. Instead, very broadly, it is about how society continues to exercise control over female sexuality by chaining it tightly to female morality. It is about the fact that we have not left patriarchy in the past (we all know male morality is not judged by the same standard), and that a woman still cannot chose to do with her body what she pleases without eliciting condemnation and hate from those (or some of those) around her. In the eyes of some, this auction may define me simply as a ‘whore’ or a ‘prostitute.’ But they are overlooking my much larger and complex (and not terrible) character, as well as the oppressive social reasons why those labels carry so much stigma and power in the first place.

This auction is no longer practical for me, it has come to mean so much more than that.

22 thoughts on “Clarification

  1. Hey! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new
    iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Carry on the outstanding work!

  2. How do you feel about the morality of the person you would be doing this with? Angels don’t make these kind of bids, you can’t account for their prior experiences or future sexual experiences (including if they choose to “purchase” their next virgin from Cambodia). I would feel as if I was condoning their behavior and/or aiding and abetting. I’m not a virgin and it’s personally disgusting to me for a guy to just to get off inside of me without care and concern or want of me. I guess you’re expecting a polite, suave, powerful male to do this deed for you or simply don’t care your virginity. My feeling, is after you gain experience, you may not prefer this.

      • I understand how not allowing the imposed ideal of virginity to be central to your being is liberating. However, “not caring”? I don’t understand how anyone could not care about their body. You’re correct about the discrepancy between male sexual morality and women’s. It’s evident in so many ways. Unlike you, I don’t believe it’s a function of a patriarchal society. In fact, there’s a compelling amount of empirical data that demonstrates that the US has been more matriarchal over the last 25 years – as it relates to public policy moreso than culture, although culture has quickly caught up in the last decade. There’s gender discrimination across the board (not just two sides, since gender is not binary). However, when looking at magnitude (quantity and significance), men have been received more of the burden in the last 25 years. Your initial inclination is likely to disagree. I encourage you to look at factual information, not anecdotal. Your perspectives have legitimacy but the underlying blame or patriarchy is far too broad and likely based on long held normative beliefs that have not evolved with reality. Meaning they were once more accurate than they are now. Visit family law courts, domestic violence hearings, read VAWA (the name alone), look into mandatory registration into selective service, the ACA and which gender subsidizes whom, incarceration rates etc. In fact on the incarceration issue alone there is a glaring overlap with your legitimate point about differences in sexual morals by gender. Look at men and women teachers and how they’re treated in the legal system for improper relations with minors. You’ll find women often don’t even receive prison time. That validates your point about the morals but in this scenario the men are discriminated against as it relates to accountability. It’s far more complicated than simply believing that societal mechanisms are the problem. Generalizing it that way has been tremendously hurtful to our country (failing families, loss of STEM qualified people, economic distress etc).

        I don’t judge you. I wish more people understood the idea that labels are simply a starting point. A way to quickly communicate generalizations. We say “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Yet we practice the opposite. Labels are only the cover – not the content. You’re spot on with that.

        This isn’t judgment – just insight from someone who has made many mistakes. I’m not a conformist. Never have been and never will be. I have regrets. One such regret is not respecting my body and the one’s of others. I didn’t realize this until I matured and had deep meaningful connections. There were moments of great clarity. I hope someday you feel the same experience and that it changes your views. Your body is part of your sanctuary. That is something to care about and that is liberating. Much love and best of luck in everything you do:)

        PS – your school being involved is messed up. I’ve seen a scary trend of fascism within academia by shutting down free speech and expression. Academia – particularly universities – should be staunch protectors of these ideals. So sad.

        Typed fast – apologies for grammar issues:/ Feel free to contact me privately (email req’d to post here) if you wish to further discuss.

  3. I am 27 and I am a virgin. When I read your story I was like “Glad I am not alone”. Your final decision is brave. Tu as mon soutien.

  4. Why would you want to encourage paying for sex? Millions of women and children have been sold into sex slavery. I don’t think if you talked to one of these women that they would agree with your stance. Sure, you can do what you want with your body, but unfortunately a lot of women and young girls are not as lucky as you.

    • She does not directly encourage paying for sex. She encourages freedom to choose. Of which one is deciding YOURSELVES what you want to do with your life / body or money. Which means freedom to choose yourself to sell your body for sex or pay for sex. Slavery is NOT one of those things. If you enforce someone into slavery to be a carpenter, does that make all carpenters bad who freely choose to be a carpenter?

    • Because, if she raised the price to $801,000 a “pop,” women and girls would become the wealthiest people on Earth.

      Then, they could spent their money buying bankrupt gigolos who had blown all their money on expensive whores. It was a brilliant ploy to turn the tables in sexual economics! Any questions?

  5. exciting. Its may 8th on this side of the globe already and it looks like one of the bidders upped the highest bid till now from 800k to 801k :) looking forward to the final bid :).

  6. Hello Liz, I am also a (male) medical student from wayyy across the globe and have stumbled onto your website. Though I cannot say I personally agree with your business, I thoroughly support your courage, bravery, and the freedom for you to do so. Undoubtedly there will be many who will try to communicate negatively to you, but I hope that you will prevail and that I am doing my small part in helping you in that (though the strength exuding from your words I have a feeling that you are doing fine on your own!). I hope that all goes well for you in both this deal and your future career. May more of our colleagues be as determined, brave, and cautious as you are.

    from asia with love

  7. Hay Liz,

    Just want to make clear that I support whatever you want to do. Only you know whats right for you. Either way you will still be a good example of a virginity well spent, and I will still be fascinated with you.

    You’re a very substantial woman. It’s easy to get swept up by you and loose objectivity. You look and feel like Mensa I have known.

    Thank you for sharing Liz :-) X

  8. Just wanted to leave a positive note for you Liz. I personally think what you are doing is terrific and wish you nothing but the best. I have always disliked the double standard regarding male and female sexuality. I truly wish equality between the sexes existed to be the sexual being we are and exercise that component of our humanity as we see fit. It may be a very long time before this equality is ever truly realized but I would like to think your personal “battle” victory will contribute to winning this “war”.

    I do not have children yet but should I ever have the privilege to father a daughter, I hope she grows up to become as bright, articulate, smart, and strong as the woman you are. Again, I hope this experience is every bit what you have wanted it to be and best wishes

    - Shaun

  9. I agree that it’s morally wrong for there to be such a stark double-standard when it comes to men’s vs women’s sexuality.

    Would the better way of fixing it be allowing women to be more free with their sexuality, or by convincing men to be more restrictive with theirs?

    It’s an academic question, to be sure, since no men (including me ;)) would choose the latter.

    • Don’t take this as negative, Plexico, because I have thoroughly enjoyed your posts. In your second paragraph you ask if “the better way of fixing it be allowing women to be more free…”. I believe this sentence to be the exact form of patriarchal thinking that Liz was talking about. Who are we, as men, to allow, let alone even consider allowing a women to do with her body? I would like to think that this was an accidental choice of phrasing, and not meant as the way it came off sounding. Cheers.

      • No problem, Rob, but it’s undeniable that a man who scores some casual sex becomes a hero amongst his peers, while a woman who does the same is vilified.

        I’m not sure what definition of patriarchy we’re using here, but the existence of the double-standard is unquestionable. Yes, things have improved in American society, but other societies are becoming even more repressive against women.

  10. Your auction is about Vastly! more than sex and money. It’s a stunning act of feminism, eroticism, and art. It’s a beautiful expression of freedom, power and humility.

    It’s an exquisite example that virginity and youth need not be lost or wasted. Instead it can be cherished and spent enriching their lives, minds, and capacity to enjoy life. And their capacity to be of service to others.

    Take your time and enjoy the experience. The money you will get. The lessons you will teach and learn. And the doors you will open to new pleasures, and love.

    This is Beautiful!.. And a Gorgeous! example of a virginity well spent.

    Thank you for sharing Liz :-) X

  11. I wish people would stop using the word “patriarchy”. It’s such a misrepresentation of our reality. Don’t get me wrong, I can only imagine the kind of vitriol that has come your way over the course of this, and it is a sad thing. Your body is yours and noone has the right to dictate to you what you’re allowed to do with it.

    But if you call western society a patriarchy, it is an insult to all the progress that has already been made, and the great effort that the majority of men make to ensure they are on the right side of the war of the sexes. Some nuance must come from the fact that the internet is populated by a silent majority and a vocal minority. Which is just my convoluted way of saying: “haters gonna hate”.

    “Patriarchy” also implies that the vitriol about these issues comes only from patriarchical men and indoctrinated women, I sincerely doubt that’s the whole story.

    I think your struggle is real and valid, but it would be a sad thing if you let yourself become convinced that the world is against you. I really don’t think it is.

    • The whole world is not against me, but part of it is. And the most hateful messages I have received have always been from men who are so angry that I should dare to do this.

      We have unquestionably made a lot of progress, but it is naive to believe that remnants of patriarchy do not exist. They do, and all women will have to deal with them in some form at some point. Slut-shaming is a more mild but more common example. By hating on the term (patriarchy) you are doing the issue a disservice.

      • I think all of the things you said here are true. But they were statements that will be true until the last person on earth who is a bigot, has turned. I think there will always be bigots and assholes,
        But “patriarchy” and “slut-shaming” are both simple terms for very complicated issues. I would really like to hear you go a bit deeper. You’re an intelligent person, and you have a good point to make. I stick around here, because I’m eager to hear you make that point. I’m also eager to hear about what your experiences have been and what I can learn from them. But this discussion will be greatly improved if both sides are properly represented. If no valid arguments exist against your position: great. If they do exist, I think they deserve to be discussed.

        So let me rephrase that as a question: Do you believe the opposition to your position has any valid arguments? Why do you think yours weigh more heavily?

  12. Liz
    You keep raising the ante on this project and it’s beginning to be fun. You just might change the entire complexion of our social order. I’m starting to think that ALL women should sell their virginity…if men are so damned stupid, and this is so important to them, at least women should benefit from it. “A fool and his money are soon parted” .

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